“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
No on is born Self-Confident even some people tend to believe that. As if self-confidence is a gift that was given to a few by birth and others have to work hard for it, some of us even a life time. This believe is a myth and has created a lot of confusion and misunderstanding within our personal expression of ourselves.
After years of self-development and also walking and exploring the spiritual path, I honestly can say: No one was born Self-Confident furthermore that the growth of self -confidence has different stages we go through. There are internal and external factors that do play a very important role in building self-confidence by understanding this we gain a lot of insights and can change accordingly.
There are many studies and even more opinions about the subject of self-confidence and many of them teach us a totally wrong picture what it actually is.
“The concept of self-confidence is commonly used as self-assurance in one’s personal judgement, ability, power, etc. One increases self-confidence from experiences of having mastered particular activities. It is a positive belief that in the future one can generally accomplish what one wishes to do. Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem, which is an evaluation of one’s own worth, whereas self-confidence is more specifically trust in one’s ability to achieve some goal…” – Wikipedia 2018
I wonder how many people do truly know what self-confidence is, how many of us do still believe the media’s opinion that confidence can only increase if we buy this or that. Only if we possess certain things or follow a certain method we will finally gain self-confidence and can achieve anything we want in life.
Internal and external factors that shape Self-confidence
There are many different factors which play an important role in building self-confidence early in our lives. Most important probably will be our parents and how much they encouraged, supported and loved us. This relationship is the foundation for the rest of our lives and determines very much on how we see ourselves. The more we grow up the more we come in touch with other external factors such as teachers and other children at school. The teachers opinion about our performance in school has a huge impact on our self-confidence and can break us. In that period of time we also confronted with media’s idea about our self-image and especially as a teenager we are so vulnerable to the opinions of others. These early external factors play an important role in our person development of self-confidence and can have an impact we will feel a life time. Unless we become conscious and aware enough or shall I say brave enough to heal and break through childhood or early teenage trauma.
The role of our parents towards Self-confidence
While we are children, we are totally dependent on our parents and what they make us belief about ourselves. Some people say that children have developed a sense of self-esteem by the age of 5. Dependent on our parents and how much they supported us during the early ages we will grow rich or poor in self-confidence. If rejection, abuse or the inability to express love towards children has taken place, the child will suffer a lot more than other children. In addition to that its not only what our parents do think about us but also what the parents do think about themselves. How can a parent give a good idea of self-confidence if its not present within themselves? The parents inability to love themselves or being proud of their own achievements will also be reflected towards the child. Especially that happens if the child in its innocent nature strives to be better and learn new things. If the parents then hold on to their own lack of self-confidence it doesn’t allow the child to make new experiences that help him/her grow. This is often how problems and belief systems are passed down from one generation to the other, to the point where one family member finally breaks free by seeking actively help regarding these problems.
Performance and the fail of the education system to offer true support
Performance is everything, parents are still believing that only if a child performs good in school it will make it in life. Teachers thinking the same, but for them it is more important if the child does perform good in a certain subject. Because for the teacher it is a sign that he/she is doing the right job. I wonder how many teacher actually do ask themselves if what they teach is actually needed in life? In addition to that I want to raise the question how many children nearly break under the expectations of parents and teachers to perform rather than be themselves? We still do believe only if we achieve something with the highest scores it would build up our self-confidence, this is only half true.
Yes, achievement has something to do with building self-confidence but it can be an achievement in anything. Something we do like, something we do have a passion for, something we set our minds to and we achieved it with our own two hands or with support of others.
In schools and education the achievement mostly includes to repeat what has been said or to achieve the highest mark so we are able to get a better job in the future. As statistics have shown how many world class students are still out of work. On the other hand side how many famous or successful people are truly depressed?
It is a myth and we still go for the idea that happiness is found on the outside, based on this believe we run around a life time, continuously asking ourselves when it will finally come. The day we achieved to be content and at ease with ourselves?
Real Self-Confidence comes from within
Let me say again, self-confidence is not something we are born with but something that we gain throughout life. It is very important to understand the difference, furthermore it will help to build a solid foundation on which self-confidence finally can grow.
From a spiritual perspective the problem arises already with our birth. The moment when the spirit incarnates into a physical body and sets itself the challenge to experience the world through the eyes of its own. From the moment we are born we are totally dependant on our parents, or at least on our mothers. We need to be fed, looked after and told how to do things. Dependant on our parents this can be a tricky path and very much is up to them what they think is really important to us. But also what they think about themselves. Then we are forced into an education system that makes us believe that our performance on how to repeat what is told will get us what we need in life. Unable to understand ourselves, the world around us we do suffer from an early age from an alienation what life is really about.
Its not about how good you perform in life but what you gain from life. How good you learn to express yourself in many different ways in this life time. How brave you are to truly explore and be who you are. Furthermore how capable you are to deal with life difficulties without losing the belief in yourself. This often is not taught to us by our parents or in school. Media and news do as well fail in building a strong foundation for people to understand life of what it truly is.
In the last instance many people turn to spirituality around the age of mid 40’s. When we have lived through some difficulties in life, we might gone through childbirth, marriage, divorce, experienced loss, and death in one way or the other, we made it in a job or even lost it once. We suddenly realize that all this somehow made us stronger and more experienced at the same time we do feel more vulnerable. Feeling that life can hit you very unexpected and nothing much you can do about it. One day we are self-confident and we think we can achieve anything the next moment this conviction is gone with the wind. All that is left is the question what is next? And how we are going do deal with it?
Self-confidence is a process from self-exploration and experiences, how we deal with them and how open we are to change? Some people are maybe born with a stronger will to live, some people got a thicker skin than others. A few people know that they asking for assistance or help to deal with certain circumstances is not a crime but very necessary to outgrow old belief systems about the self. Others might turned bitter and given up on life. In all of us there is the potential for greatness and it is up to us what we are going to make of it.
How much can we accept that life is full of unexpected changes? How far can we push ourselves to strive to new heights? Can we forgive ourselves and others for making mistakes? When do we realize that self-confidence is not something that we are born with but something that needs to be trained, brought back into life once it was lost and maybe restored when it has been broken. Understanding what role our parents, teachers, others, the media and society played in shaping the belief in ourselves. It is a slowly process of getting to know yourself better, day by day. Sorting out what you want and what you don’t want, allowing your limitations and dreams to guide you. Realizing a setback is not the end and every day we got the chance to start all over again.
Medium – Healer – Soulactivist
Julie Jurgan is a medium, healer and Soulactivist. She offers One-to-One Sessions ( Readings & Meditations) via Skype and in person. Her healing sessions are available in person as well as via distance. Her healing sessions are powerful and transforming. If you want to know what sessions Julie offers please have a look here…
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