How I learnt to hold myself through difficult times

I always felt drawn to Buddhism but I really started to understand the philosophy when I went to stay for a Buddhist meditation retreat.

I wasn’t intended to go on a Buddhist meditation retreat and I thought that I would be alright with my meditation practice. But then life happened and I fell from a place where I thought that my life was quite okay into a deep depression through the unexpected death of two of my friends. Finding myself in a space in which everything was dark and cold, lonely and only my tears were my constant companion.

Thinking of my self as spiritually evolved I soon realized that there is nothing to protect us from the painful experience of the loss of a loved one. For the first few days I was even unable to talk to anyone. I locked myself away into my room, lying on my bed, crying, shouting, screaming, crumbling in pain, constantly asking why?

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Friends tried to reach out to me saying that everything is going to be alright. And as much as I love my friends but in this moment it wasn’t the right thing to say. Because just in this moment nothing was okay and I don’t wanted to think of a future that surely would be without my friends who have passed over.

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I tried to meditate, as people say it could ease pain and help with depression. I tried to do yoga as people say it helps with everything that needs to be released from our emotional body. Then I stopped meditating and I stopped doing yoga. I don’t wanted to let go and furthermore the pain was all my friends left me with, in this moment. Somehow I felt it was the only thing for me to hold on to.

There were days, when my chest burnt like fire. I could feel the pull to follow my friends to the other side, how awful was life to leave us like this. Why do we have to die? Why is this process of separation so painful?

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In this moment my life just stopped being the way it was. All my business driven attitude, the thinking and planning about the future and the creation of castle in the sky disappeared in seconds and never returned. I felt as if I was a permanent resident in hell and no way was there to get me out of it. I smoked as much as I could, didn’t go to work any more and started drinking again just to escape the painful truth of our temporary existence.

In this moment I didn’t realize that I was closer to the Buddhist truth than ever before. And I also didn’t know that this experience should lead to something I can rarely explain, but it changed my whole life forever. The loss of my friends pushed me into the stay at a Buddhist retreat centre and there I should learn what pain can teaches us and how I can hold myself in difficult times. Buddha says it already, that there is no one coming to rescue you – you have to do it all by yourself.

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And I did. Nearly 1.5 years later my meditation has changed, it is deeper, it is purer and I broke away from the idea what meditation should be.

I am not scared of the painful truth any more and I came to the acceptance that life implies death. I understand that life is suffering and the only way we can come to terms with it is, to feel it and to let it in. Running away through addictive behaviour will never ever set you free.

But the most important thing I learnt during my stay in the Buddhist retreat centre was, what love and kindness can do when they not only been given to others but to ourselves. Since then the Buddhist Philosophy has become a very important part of my daily life. It gave me a deeper understanding about life and death but also about myself.

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I don’t call myself a Buddhist, nor any other religious member. But I can say that Buddhism helped through some very difficulty times and it gave me a strength and understanding that I never experienced before.

Inspired and transformed by my personal experience with Buddhist Philosophy I now organize One-Day Bus Trips to Sam-ye Ling in Scotland, a Tibetan Buddhist Centre beautifully settle in the hills of Scotland.

Our next trip is to Sam-ye Ling is on the 16th of July 2017 and we have a few places left. We will set of at Saltburn Square at 7am and will be return around 8pm. If you would like to request further details on this, please send and email to julie@blossomofthesoul.org and we will send you further information.

Or you have a look here…for more information on our trip to Scotland.

In addition to that I do teach One-to-One meditation via Skype and in person to assist people in their practice and understanding of the mediation process.

Julie Jurgan is a medium, healer and Soulactivist. She offers One-to-One Sessions ( Readings & Meditations) via Skype and in person. Her healing sessions are available in person as well as via distance. Her healing sessions are powerful and transformational.

Julie is also one of  the Founders and the Eventmanager of Blossom of the Soul.

If you would like to get in touch with Julie about her Readings or Healing work or you have any other questions please send an email to julie@blossomofthesoul.org