I have been very restless the past few months. A lot of things were on my mind and still so much needed to be done.
I was rushing around, trying to multitask and telling myself it would save time.
Once I finished one project the next one appeared on the horizon and asked for my attention. Slowly but steady I worked myself down into a spiral of illusion. The illusion that I would relax, take a break or go on holiday when I finished this or that. The days passed by and I didn’t get any near.
My sleep became unsettled, a few times during the night I woke up with all sorts of things on my mind. Have I done this? I need to do that phone call and write that email. Even at night I was fighting the thoughts of running out of time.
Till one day…when I was too tired, exhausted and unable to go out of bed. My head hurt and I could feel every bone in my body, unable to move.
It must have been 6 o’ clock in the morning and the sun glimmered through my window when I laid there in my bed. Surrounded by an absolute stillness, I only heard my own breath, breathing in and breathing out. For a while I watched my chest rising and falling while my heartbeat showed me my own rhythm.
There I was all by myself…just me and the present moment in which I felt the life energy rushing through me. This is what happens every moment of our lives even when we don’t pay any attention. Too busy to run after the next goal that promises us a better future.
While we get lost in all the things we need to do before we run out of time. When we try to avoid ourselves and keep hiding behind our very own shattering thoughts.
Who have become that we fear stillness?
What we are scared to find? Do we know that the truth will reveal itself in the quiet moments? It will show us what really is and not only what shines bright.
Meditation is a way to come closer to oneself. A way to see reality as it is. Knowing that we are part of the problem but at the same time we are the solution.
All can be found in the stillness and furthermost all can be lost too.
The anger, the frustration, the fear is there waiting for you. All the things you so hard try to avoid and keep yourself endlessly busy and distracted.
The little corner where all the feelings are hiding because you told them they have no right to be. There is no use for them while you pretend to be happy. Not knowing that fear, anger and desperation are warning signs that you are heading in the wrong direction.
The direction of self-delusion.
But if you step into the space of stillness while you wander in the fields of meditation you will find what you have been looking for.
A space within yourself that you lost along the way. While you ran away from yourself…scared of touching the wound of mortality – that wants to be healed in every human being.
The scar of imperfection. The pain of being alive. The fear of not being able to make it.
Just for today. Rest my friend. Lay down and listen to your breath. Feel your heartbeat and look at the stars.
Just for today dont fear but wonder. Dont run but walk gently. Only for today stop looking on the outside and turn within.
Escape into the stillness and rest in the arms of the entire universe.
Know that all will be accomplished when you give yourself permission to breath, rest and observe.
Just for today. Rest my friend. Escape into the stillness. I will meet you there.
written by Julie Jurgan
(featured image – huffingtonpost)