Fuck that shit – There are no 5 Steps to absolutely everything

I am tired, confused and feel trapped between all that polarities. As much as I appreciate Self-Help books and people who would like to assist and guide other people but I feel overwhelmed by all their opinions. I mean there seem to be a book, a course, a webinar for absolutely everything. The perfect solution, the instant answer and the perfect strategy to become rich, successful, loved and whatsoever. It doesn’t matter if you look for the perfect partner, business idea or a solution on how to live a happy life. Nothing wrong with that, hang on, maybe there is something wrong with that.

After years of reading, studying and following my own truth I realized that all these things don’t work properly. How can someone offer a perfect solution for such a complex experience called life?

Even if we would follow these so-called 5-steps it doesn’t mean anything because there is so much more to the bigger picture. I am tired of all that shit telling me how to be, react and think. Do we really need all these things? Where is the freedom to be who we are, for making mistakes, having experiences and grow through them.

Relationship

For example the 5 steps to deal with relationship issues. We all know that men and women do experience reality different and of course because of that problems will arise. I won’t even say problems but maybe differences which is not a problem to me. Furthermore it is the opportunity to learn from each other. In one book it’s all about how you can keep a man for life, make him committed and love you forever.

In one of these books one of the rules says that you should not chase a man.

Ok, so I am not chasing someone I like, I just let him chase me and wait. The problem now as far as I am concerned and some of my male friends is: that even men are tired of chasing a woman. They might have experienced some problems in their previous relationships in which they were cheated or lied to.

Do we really believe that these kind of experiences would drive men into another relationship in which the woman is waiting for the man to chase her? Or is it the other way around that men long for a woman who would show interest even if they can’t open up instantly?

A woman that would still be there even if he can’t give any answers on how he feels? A woman who would wait and sit with his pain and hold his heart even from a distance because she knows deep inside of her that he needs time. Rather than a woman sitting on her throne and waiting for him to chase her?

Men are human beings they are vulnerable as much as women and everyone needs time to build up trust. Especially when a relationship failed before, men more than likely doubt themselves and tend not to trust anyone again.
Relationships are nothing instantly, relationships do need time and space to grow, that can be challenging times as life has no perfect solution for that.

No 5 steps will help you through that but compassion, kindness and patience even it can drive you insane as a woman if the man holds on to his barriers around his heart.

Another step of the perfect 5 steps says, that a woman should not force a man for any commitment. What does that mean? Is it only women who believe in a trustworthy relationship?
People talk about dating and some of them date each other for 2 years. So is that not a relationship but a kind of seeing each other might have sex or do things together?
I don’t get that. What is the difference of a relationship and dating? Especially over years?

You can be in a relationship and you don’t need to live together or get married but meeting someone and opening up for me is a commitment that I make.

As if opening up to someone would be the easiest thing in the world and we do it every day and every minute. Having sex with someone or even having real interest in someone for me is already a commitment. This is not a commitment I make from my mind but from my heart. If I really fall in love with someone my heart can’t even do any different. I will only have eyes for that one person and won’t go around looking for someone else.

Is it only me thinking like that? Is loyalty and love just a word that we have used so often that it lost its meaning? Even if the beginning is a challenge but that does not mean that we should rumble around and look for someone else only if we can’t get right away what we want or need.

In modern times we replace people in our lives like a pair of shoes. If they don’t fit anymore in our life or our expectations we just get new ones. That is scary.

Why can’t we not use challenging situations to grow inwardly and reflect why we are so uncertain about things? Once we have done that we focus on what we really feel and our heart will never ever tell us wrong.

Have we lost our senses to connect with others? What about values? Do we really need to have a 5-Step follow everything book and forget that we all individual beings with a past and some experience? I mean we all start out somewhere and at the end of the day we deal with and long for exactly the same.

We want to be loved, respected, trusted and appreciated.

Why do I need a book to tell me how I can achieve that? Shouldn’t we just treat another as we wanted to be treated ourselves?

The man in the cave and the woman who talks too much

Women talk too much. Who says that? Of course we like to chat and we want to share our feelings with others but what is wrong with that? Men like to hide in their cave and find their own solution for problems which is fine as well as that makes them more independent and they trust somehow in their own ability to find a solution for their problem. So while she sits outside and talks he sits inside and meditates in his cave.

This is how we deal with issues differently.

Its been said that the women is not allowed in the cave while the man analyzes his issues. That would hurt his self-esteem and interrupt his process of finding himself. That is fine with me as I got plenty of other things to do than analyzing his problems as well all the time.

But I also wonder why we can’t meet up in the middle and learn from each other? If we really enter a relationship with the opposite sex we should appreciate the difference and use it to support each other in body, mind and spirit. Means men could learn to open up a bit more and share their feelings which helps them to connect to the outer world. While women could learn to be a bit more independent by solving their issues with themselves from time to time rather than always running from one friend to another and ask for their opinion.

Especially when it comes to problems between the both partners in a relationship. For me the only person to talk about is my partner and not one of my friends or any other strangers.

The answer for everything lies within and no one else will ever give you a better advice then your very own heart and your soul.

There is nothing wrong with sharing thoughts or feelings but from time to time we give away to much of our own power to others. In a real relationship I would like to make the effort to get to know my partner and his individual needs. Non two relationships are the same and we always start where we are at this point when we enter the relationship.

Bringing in all the past experiences that have shaped us, opened or closed our hearts and smashed our expectations.

Another subject that drains me are books in which people tell me that he is not the right one because he works too much or doesn’t share his feelings right away.
I don’t know, he might work too much because he wasn’t really fulfilled in his last relationship or he uses it as release because he is bothered with something.

Books can never replace life experience and when you finally meet someone you start to tick all the boxes in your head from the books you read. That is bullshit and you miss the point of really getting to know someone or feeling someone.

Life is always changing and so are people, well some of them probably never change but that is also a part of the individual expression of life. We should give and allow each other to change through our relationship and the main reason probably why relationship fail is that we don’t allow these changes to take place. The biggest problem in my eyes is that we first expect our partner to fulfill all our needs. The second one is that we struggle to express what we really feel without blaming each other.

More love not less in any situation would be helpful.

I am not saying that this is easy and even I had to learn the hard way but it gave me a lot to learn about others and myself.

The wrong idea of women empowerment

All these new books about women empowerment are really scary. As much as I am a fan of so-called “strong women” I am scared about the propaganda that swirls around at the moment. As if we are right in a gender crisis and whether women nor men know who they really are.

Strong women are financially independent, they don’t need anyone emotionally and they always go for what they want.
I can find myself in some of these terms as I lost trust in people and had a difficult relationship with my parents. All this shaped my reality and i had to address it and worked on it to find out who I really am.

Through that process I realized that I definitely want a man on my side and I want to be vulnerable, protected and looked after. But how should men get these impressions if we push them away telling them we don’t need them whether emotionally nor financially or in any other way.

As if we would just be in the process of releasing karma from thousands of years ago. A time in which of course, men have suppressed women a lot for whatsoever reason and now we need to fight back.

We might just entered a crossroad now, where we have been asked ti leave all that gender separation aside and focus on us as a human beings.

With equal needs, desires, fears, longings rather than now turning another page in the same book called history and start to blame men for absolutely everything.

I am tired of that and I don’t want to be part of it. I want to forgive everyone for everything that happened in my life. And also would love to be forgiven by people I did wrong or hurt. So now this is done let’s start all over again!

5 Steps to Success

Yes that is another huge subject. Everyone wants to make more money, be successful and there are one trillion books on how to achieve that. I am soooo tired of that I can’t even tell you about it. Yes I read a lot of them, yes I went to business school and still I can’t get over it.
Being an entrepreneur is not easy and you will be confronted with all sorts of things and of course you try to reach out for some advice or help. So there are these books on how to make a million instantly or how to sell absolutely everything.

People speaking about working harder, do more speed networking, the best marketing strategy, analysis, calculation and so on.

OMG, if you once start reading these books you will soon realize that it is so much to do. At the end of the day think twice if you really want to go down the road of having your own business.

I am not saying that there aren’t helpful tips and tricks in these books, as starting your own business is a huge responsibility and you will need some help. It is important to focus on what you want but hey don’t get caught up in it.
Our world is so overwhelmed with all that business people, especially those who made it or at least pretend they did and now make even more money in teach others how to do it.

Of course I want to make my living with a job I like or even better in which I really can find myself.
But if you want to do so you will need to have a lot of courage, determination and faith. You wont get this in a book but through real life experience.

You will need to get up again and again to succeed so to speak. What I realized along this path and I walk it for quite a while now that you can also easily lose yourself in the advice of others. And there is so much more to the picture than just follow blindly what others write in their books.

You can easily work yourself to death, have millions on your bank account and still be unhappy or struggle with health issues. Because you believed them by saying only if you would work harder everything would be fine.

Is it that what you want? How many workaholics have no loving relationship and how many millionaire can really sleep at night?

I mean lets face it. What we are all striving for? Is it success? Prestige? Respect? Why? Do we think we don’t have enough or need more? Are we afraid of not surviving? Do we need to be the best to prove it to others? Why?
I mean why do we waste our lives so much in striving for success that we totally lose ourselves and everything around us?

What is really the striving force behind our actions? Some of us might need to prove themselves to the world because their parents never accepted them? Others might have no self-esteem at all and think that only if they reach that or this point they will be happy, fulfilled whatsoever.

If a lot of money would be a result of hard work all the hard-working people in third world countries would be rich and not struggle with survival. So where is the truth in that now?

I worked with millionaires and people who are on TV and what I learnt is, that millionaires are more worried about their money than any homeless person I ever met. And the TV VIPs are so busy that they don’t even have time for a life. They travel from one thing to the next and have no time for a walk in the woods, for their children or partners, not even their friends. Unable to respond to important messages or emails and they will forget your face within minutes as they meet so many people a day anyway.
Many of them are so addicted to the applause of others that I found it really scary to be in their presence. As deep inside of them I could sense the insecurity and the fear of not being accepted or loved by anyone.

I am not saying everyone is like that but I just started asking myself why should I want such a life? Why should I strive so much for success and give everything to prove myself in business and in the meantime I totally forget how to live?
To connect with my own soul, my partner, my friends, listen to the rain, have a cup of tea with my neighbours or take a walk in the woods to feel the wind playing with my hair.

Being successful is one of the most popular goals people have in their lives these times. Being online all the time, run one marketing strategy after another and always on call to answer any emails as they could be good for business. I know how that feels and I also know how that can kill you and burn you out.

The more I started walking the spiritual path the more I realized the nonsense in all that become really successful shit. Its too much work, so much stress everyday, no time for anything. And in addition to that hiding from personal issues and put it all into work.

Yes I am an entrepreneur. I call myself a spiritual entrepreneur and not sure what that should mean. I know what I want and yes I know how schizophrenic I feel sometimes. Trapped between the polarities of going all in and and at the same time give it all up to live in the woods to find myself.

Maybe exactly this is what helps me to find a balance in being an entrepreneur and a spiritual person.

But being in business does not automatically mean that I need to follow every 5 Business Steps because I know that the answer lies within. I wont be successful in whatever if I don’t believe in myself or worked on my personal issues.

But even that isn’t an answer to everything tho.

Life is an adventure and I love challenges therefore I like to work towards my goals. Maybe at one point I start training as a yoga teacher and find my personal challenge in that. Who knows.

What I am trying to say is that I am just tired of that be successful and rich concept most of us striving for. On the other side I believe that if we have more we can give more. If we have a certain position we can move things more easily for the good.

I thought writing this article would help me to gain clarity but at the end of the day I realize I am still confused, trapped between the worlds of yes and no.

I am a very sensitive person and over the years I learnt if I only trust in my own intuition it will never let me down.
It was a hard way and a very painful process to release all the layers of manipulation, programming I received from my family, culture, education system and the media. But I came all the way and here I am, overwhelmed by all these self-help books which promise a perfect solution for absolutely everything.

But no one really teaches you how to connect with your very own soul and if you do so you might not even interested in making a lot of money. You would rather go traveling, live like a hippie or become an artist. As that is how your soul wants to express itself.

No, there are no 5 steps on how to connect with your soul, it is an individual process and yes you probably will need some guidance to learn it. But once you know how to do it you can easily do it yourself and you will realize “Fuck that shit – there are no 5 steps to absolutely everything”.

Much love,

Julie xxx

(featured image – youtube.com)

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